[PC stories/Life] WHY CAN'T I GET OVER MY EX WHOM I FIND VERY UNATTRACTIVE?

We broke up last November but I still have a hard time moving on and our relationship only lasted for 7 days. 

I had a crush on him for years from 11th grade and I am already a college graduate. So I guess it make sense that I have a hard time moving on. I really never found him handsome and I just like him for his personality to the point his smile was so charming to me. 

We became a close friend with a lot of skinship the next year. I never take it as a sign as all of us always casually hug each other whether it's same or opposite gender. 

During college, he was still a very good friend although we were not that close anymore (we went to the same college) . 

Last semester, when I already moved on he started to care about me a lot again. ( we didn't talk to each other a lot anymore as I kept my distance cause having a crush on a friend is not romantic at all). And soon I fell for him again but I still try to keep my distance. After graduation he asked me out for three night straight and I said yes (third time the charmđŸ˜‚) He told me I was always there for him (true). But what I never realized was he never said he liked me because of that. He actually broke up with me the first time telling me that he couldn't see me as more than friends.

During our relationship and break up, he did something which made me dislike his personality that I'm not comfortable sharing. 

Since I  already dislike the sole reason I liked him, I thought I will move on easily but I still checked his profile everyday for months, and still check it at least twice a week. When he changes his pictures as his pfp I always thought how could I fall for him. But I can't move on. I still see him in my dreams. Last night he was my unloving husband. I was so angry when O woke up, but at the same time, I want to have that dream again. 

Is it just that I can't let go my teenage dream? 

Do I miss his company? 

Maybe I just long for something I can't have? 

For whatever reason I wish to move on as we share the same circle of friends and he and my other friends circle know each other.. Thank God I still have other friends circle and they are my only friends who knew about us but they still don't know I can't move on . So, I'm sharing with you. 




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