[PC Stories/Life] WOMEN HAVE BEEN CONDITIONED TO PRIORITIZE MARRIAGE TOO MUCH...

All these recent PC stories have me thinking: Aren't women a little too obsessed with marriage?

People always try and scare women by saying that they'll end up all alone when they're old but what scares me the most is the idea of ending up old, in a loveless marriage, with no friends or hobbies because I've alienated myself.

I never thought about this because women in my culture don't give up their friends. But once I moved and started interacting with different cultures I learned that in MANY places you're basically expected to drop everything once you become a mother or a wife.

After learning this I've begun to realize that a lot of women, especially women in "successful marriages", are rather miserable. I don't even understand why the standard for a "successful" marriage is just one without any divorce. Wouldn't happiness and reliability be a better measurement? It's not the 15th century anymore. Most people marry out of free will so why are we still going by archaic beliefs?

I've even begun to watch my (online) friend slowly document herself growing distant from her real life friends all while talking about how terrible her in laws are and how difficult being a mother is. I don't even think she realizes what she's doing. She'll make 20 posts complaining about how hard everything is but then she'll defensively throw in a post here and there talking about how it's normal to prioritize her boyfriend over her friends or that her friends will never be nearly as important as her boyfriend.

When she revealed that the friends in question were from her college days (5-10 years) and she's only been dating her boyfriend for 7 months I had a hard time wrapping my head around it. (Well it was 7 months when she wrote that. They've been together a little over a year and a half now and have a kid together)

I understand someone's significant other being important to them but I have a hard time understanding abandoning friends you've had for nearly half your life for someone you haven't even known for a year.

I feel anxious when I see women talk about how they've basically given up all hobbies that don't revolve around their appearance after becoming a wife or a mother. A Korean woman once told me that her lifelong friend group essentially abandoned her because she's the only one not married. A Nigerian woman told me something similar. What's interesting is that neither friend group was full of mothers, just wives.

I sort of get being consumed by motherhood but abandoning your friends just because you got married is crazy?!

I've had several older women (who were all married) urge me to spend my time traveling and fall in love with life instead. I didn't get it when I was younger but now I'm beginning to understand where they're coming from.

If I ever get married it will have to be with someone who understands that I won't give up who I am just to be with them. If that's always going to be a dealbreaker then so be it. I just can't imagine making my whole entire identity centered around another person. Especially when I hardly see husbands do this. I don't think I know a single man under 40 whose entire life revolves around being a husband.

At least if I'm all alone when I'm old I can say I had a fun life and I could still go out to events catered to the elderly…..

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