[PC stories/Life] DOES ANYONE ELSE HAVE THIS STRUGGLE?

I can’t date people from my own race because of my family.

This isn’t self hate or anything, I love my race and culture! But I have a big family and they’re all pretty shitty people with terrible character (I feel this is the biggest contributor to this struggle I have) that stylize themselves in different ways, but also in ways that end up coinciding with the way a good chunk of people in my race do. So whenever someone has qualities that resemble my family and expresses their interest in me, I get turned off (not disgusted, I just can’t see myself with them). It can be something as simple as a hairstyle or body type.

You guys get weird about short PC stories but I just don’t have much to expand on (especially since I don’t want to air out ALL of my business) as I feel this is pretty straightforward and I’m mainly making this to see if anyone else relates. I can’t really tell my friends about it because I don’t want them to think it’s self hate (which is already a touchy subject in our community), I’m pretty sure they already think that way since they always ask me what race a person I’m interested in is whenever I mention that I’m developing feelings for someone (which feels a bit charged but to be fair, they don’t know much about my family situation), so this anonymous post is my best bet since I haven’t and can’t tell this to anyone else. If you also come from a chaotic/disordered, abusive type of family—especially one with strict & controlling immigrant parents—, please share in the comments if you also have this way of thinking.

Just an additional note: It’s not like I don’t find people from my race attractive at all, I like people visually, I just can’t pursue it romantically. I also would prefer if people that came from normal, functional families wouldn’t comment on this since I already know most of them would tell me that “this is a self hate thing no matter how much you try to deny it” and if you do decide to comment on this—as I can’t control who does—just take into consideration that as mentioned earlier, I grew up with shitty characters: physically and emotionally abusive, neglectful, unreliable, and the works, to summarize. No, this isn’t a rage bait or troll post, or a child looking for validation, or whatever you guys say whenever you disagree with a story submission and want to be condescending or insinuate that the submitter is an idiot or immature, I’m just genuinely trying to see if others relate. I’ll be honest, I can already sense that a majority of people will tell me that it’s self hate or that since I keep bringing it up it’s a guilty conscience from “knowing the truth” or whatever so I almost don’t want to submit this just to read dismissive comments😅.

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